You know who you are. The man that promised me romance and love but gave me the complete opposite. Before you came along, I had pretty severe trust issues from the cheating ex before you. You taught me that I could trust again. I remember how happy I was when I first realized that I actually trusted a man again. The man before you left me pretty broken. But you came in and, at the beginning, you completely swept me off my feet. You were so romantic with your soft touches and patience. There were some things about you that I wasn't completely sure about but none of that mattered because, I found someone that loved me for all of me. But that wasn't actually the case was it? It was actually kind of just a front.
A few months later, you started telling me that different parts of me were "almost deal-breakers." I worried too much and you couldn't deal with that. I talked too much and sometimes I just needed to shut the fuck up. Slowly but surely you took down everything I was once confident about. Before you, my self-esteem issues only dealt with my body image. After you, I had self-esteem issues with my personality and that is so much more fucked up. I found myself apologizing to everyone about everything I said and did. I was scared that other people would look at me the way you looked at me, like I was the dumbest/most annoying person you had ever met. You were so nice to everyone else around you but you treated me like absolute shit. I had no choice but to think that it was all me, that I was the problem. As a matter of fact, whenever things went wrong at parties, you would personally seek me out just to treat me like shit and tell me all that was wrong/fucked up about me. I think you finally started realizing what exactly you were doing to me because you finally released me.
Even after you left me, I still thought it was all on me. I was scared to date anyone else and have them point out everything that was wrong with me. But guess what? I found this guy and he actually loves the things about me that were "almost deal-breakers." He loves that I talk so much because he loves just listening to me talk, and he talks almost as much as I do. He loves that I worry because he loves that I care so much about everyone. I apologize for saying/doing something and he looks at me like I'm crazy and tells me to relax. To him, I'm more than enough. He asks me to text him and let me know when I'm home safe. He wants me to show him how my baked goods are being displayed at parties because he cares that fucking much about me. I won't even get into how much better in bed he is. I think he was my prize after dealing with you.
I want you to know that I will never forget what you did to me, I'm working on the forgiving part. You were a very important lesson. You were the type of relationship that I now know to actively avoid. I don't regret some of our memories together. You did benefit me just a little bit. You taught me to not give a shit about what people thought about me (ironic isn't it). You also taught me to expand my horizons when it came to food and experiences. I want to thank you for letting me go, because you knew that I wouldn't leave you. Thank you for giving me the chance to find someone who appreciated me for me. Now, kindly go fuck yourself.
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