So, I've been working through the stuff I talked about in my last post. I've seen my therapist a couple times now. We're doing EMDR Therapy. This stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It is a technique that is used for treatment of trauma. Basically, I'm being brainwashed to not feel anything about the rape, instead of feeling scared, angry and sad about it. I'm really happy to see if it works and helps calm me down about it because every time I think or talk about it, I get really panicky.
Not going to lie though, EMDR is actually fucking hell to go through, right now at least. She is making me talk about the rape and fully embrace my emotions while I go through them. When things start getting too heavy or too negative, she has me breathe and refocus on "my happy place." Then we start back in with what happened and how I feel about it. I'm sure enough of these sessions will desensitize me so I don't feel anything. I can't wait.
I'm trying really hard to focus all my energy into positive thoughts or things that will make me happy instead of focusing everything on what's going wrong and what is worrying me. Just by switching from thinking negatively about all situations, I can help improve my overall mood. I've noticed that I deal with so much negative people throughout the day that it has like permanently put me in a bad mood. So, now I have to fix it!
I'm really excited because I officially got a second job (who gets excited about working more?!). I really want to buy a home in May 2020 so I've got to push hard to pay off my credit cards as much as possible before I do this. My main job has cut back on the OT offered so I've kind of been forced to pick up a second job. You're looking at the new barista at Starbucks =P. And I will now become a coffee addict!! But I'm seriously so happy about this! I'm leaving one day off from both jobs so that'll give me some R&R before I start up the next week!
It's so easy to get caught up in life and focus on all the negative. You find yourself in a hole of negativity and it just destroys you and makes you angry. I've kinda fallen back into that hole, and now I need to climb my way back out!
